Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Herman Cain and Jon Huntsman should stay in the presidential race for the long haul.  If you think about it, Cain’s alleged actions were no worst that those of Bill Clinton, JFK, RFK, or FRD.  We would have had another Civil War before the two finalists for presidents were both Black so stop tripping about Cain can’t win.  He wins if he pushes the nation toward a flatter, simpler tax code.

Like Sarah Palin, Cain electrifies crowds and heaven knows Romney and Gingrich don’t have that ability…one of them will need Cain.

Jon Huntsman has no business leaving the race until a cross-section of the nation gets a good look at him.  He is the conservative Obama and a type Republican most people have never seen.  It is no secret that I want him to be on the ticket with Newt because Gingrich would need a VP who is grounded and cool.  Huntsman could get more southerner primary non-GOP votes than GOP votes and that is saying something. 

Obama is a great guy but we must think about what happens if the economy doesn’t improve in the next six months.  We must have a Plan B and I for one don’t want the GOP voters making the decision on who that would be alone.    Luckily, I live in a state where Dems can vote in the GOP primary and Georgia will be prominent in the presidential process with Newt and Cain on the stage.

Let me rant about marriage for a second:  Mrs. Gloria Cain, Mrs. Hillary Clinton, Mrs. Maria Shiver Schwarzenegger and the late Mrs. Elizabeth Edwards are quality ladies whose husbands got involved with jumpoffs.  We shouldn’t forget that Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels left the presidential contest because his marriage was damaged by his wife leaving for another man then coming back.  Powerful men sometimes like certain “private actions” that quality women don’t or shouldn’t do—let’s not go into graphic details.  Also, some people involved in long marriage sometimes miss “strange.”  After standing before God and family to take vows, these people are dead-a— wrong but in happens.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.  As a bachelor, I don’t enjoy the upside of being marriage (nightly kisses) and conversely married dudes shouldn’t enjoy the variety of being single. If I could have married Holly Robinson (before she was Peete,) I would have been happy for life but some guys won’t do right for aynthing. 

Honesty is the key; tell the truth.  If you want different folks every so often (Tiger Woods) stay single or make that clear from jumpstreet.  Many grand matrons delegate minor family duties to “the help” without blinking and evidential sleeping with old dudes has been included on the list of hired out chores.


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Dam, Tiger.  I point the finger of blame at Brother Woods for not just staying single if he wanted to see various women.  There is an upside and downside to being married.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too.  I would feel better if he did a Hugh Hefner thing and said, “this is the wholesome lovely lady I love and the mother of my kids; we plan to grow old together.  These chicks are play-things who do stuff that wives shouldn’t do.  My wife approves of this unusual arrangement but in some Asian cultures a man can have a number one wife and consorts.”

I point another finger of blame at Elin Woods for thinking that she was bright enough, hot enough and engaging enough to maintain the interest of the number sportsman in the world for the next fifty years.   To me, vows and pledges mean something.  That’s why I would not get married if I did not plan on being 100% behind what I said before God and family in a church.  So a nanny (she has a college degree) thought she could sloop one of the top cats in the world.  Really?  Sure and I am slooping Oprah away from (I better not good there.)

Tiger listened to too many people who don’t look like me. He should have been listening the Charles Barkley saying “I am not a role model” or Eddie Murphy joke about “half…because you treat me like an-imal.”   This crap or the Clinton/Monica crap would never happen to the Obamas because Michelle Obama is a sister who is the total package and who is rolling from the Chi—don’t play with women from the Chi.  (Is Hillary from the Chi?). 

Behind every successful man is a driven woman who nagged him to the top and insisted that he does what he said he would do.  If I married a driven lovely sister in the 80s, I would in congress today; I might be unhappy but I would be unhappy on the top.  The chicks on videos and in the clubs are like cotton candy—tasty and fun but with little nutritional value.  We need substance—vegetables, fiber and protein.  Michelle Obama is USDA approved, grade A, top choice. 

(Since no one reads these post this far)  I don’t think you want to see Elin Woods without that makeup.  I did not go to Sanford or Yale but at my Black college we knew that Black don’t crack—which basically is saying that the effects of the sun are minimized by the melatonin in our skin.  The Black women with fair skin take it hard also; have you seen Jasmine Guy lately. 


Of course, deep people care about what is inside a person and that person’s character. If a couple grows less attractive over time, the love they have and their shared experiences balances it out.  People are not as deep as they once were; they will bounce on you in a heartbeat.

I am discussing this topic on a public policy blog because the erosion of the American family structure leads to shaky homes, half-raised kids and crime. Tiger’s plea for privacy is nonsense because he decided to make a billion dollars from the public and he therefore gets a billion eyes on him. The last thing wives in middle America want is their hubbys idolizing a man who cheats or bounces on his family for the chickadees.  If a senator or the golf star did that, my hubby might get some ideas since my thighs are bigger and I am applying the Covergirl with a trowel. 

Why are Black women always getting left out?  I am so glad the sisters are left out of this Tiger Woods mess.  Then again, what do I know? If I were in Woods’ position, I would have married track start Marion Jones—and still would. 

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Arthur Ashe, Jackie Robinson and Magic Johnson can credit part of their success to marrying well; they chose partners who smoothly insisted or assisted their drive to the top.  Tiger Woods has made me so proud as an American and African American. Yes, my friends and I were wrong to say he is Black when he wins and Asian on the Sundays that he doesn’t win…we are wishy washy like that.  Obama policies worked well “that’s my brother”…economy down next year “what up with the Hawaiian Kansan.”

On Ken Burns long documentary about Baseball, we learned that Mr. Jackie Robinson was a “race man” or a person who constantly concerned himself with uplifting his people.  Before someone gets his BVDs in a bunch, that doesn’t mean that race men wanted to pull down other races; just assist in our raise out of our previous condition.  Of course, Robinson found himself at odds with radicals during the civil rights era and would be so disappointed with our community today.

Cookie Johnson stood by her man when some thought that she would kill him for insulting her and putting her at risk.  How is Magic doing these days?  Cookie wins and the same can be said for the widow of Arthur Ashe.  Jeanne and Arthur’s relationship was the standard by which we measured couples in my college crew—okay the Huxtables also but that was T.V.  People talk about what would Dr. King think about this and that but I wonder about Ashe’s views. 

When Ashe wanted to enlighten prominent Black Americans about the South African situation, he would coolly have a private function and broach the subject. 

If I currently serving in the Senate, I would have an outdoors weekend on my southwest Georgia spread to nudge the young cats toward who I think they should be approaching.  The only thing sweeter than Georgia peaches is the fruit that bosomed on the African vine.  Unlike the White House, security would be in full force to keep out golddiggers and video vixens.

Guest List

Tiger Woods

Kobe Bryant

Lamar Odom

Reggie Bush

Alex Rodriguez

Usher Raymond

Brian Urlacher

Ray J

Esperanza Spalding

Lizz Wright

Alicia Keys

Kelly Rowland and any former members of Destiny’s Child

Kandi Burruss (No, Kim Zolicak can’t be Plus One)

Huma Abedin, Hilllary Clinton’s assistant

Jill Scott

Melody Barnes, Obama Domestic Policy advisor

Tamron Hall, MSNBC

Venus Williams

India Arie

Let the matchmaking being:

Tiger and Esperanza

Lamar and Kandi

Kobe and A Keys or Huma

Ray J and Kandi or one of the former D.C. singers

Brian and Tamron

Alex and Melody or Esperanza 

The Senator and Tamron or Lizz 

Okay, Who told the D.J. to play Sir Mix-A-Lot:

To the beanpole dames in the magazines: You ain’t it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sister, I can’t resist her.
Red beans and rice didn’t miss her!

(Yes, I have way too much free time on my hands and half these people never dated anyone who looked like them.)

All kidding aside, Tiger and his family are going to be just fine.  After all of the things he has done right, the guy can have a little drama—he is human off the course and after last year he is human on the course also.  He knows who he likes and I wish them well.

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The film Carmen Jones, featuring Dorothy Danridge, Harry Belafonte, Brock Peters, Pearl Bailey and lovely Diahann Carroll, is one of favorite movies.  Seeing a romantic tragedy is rough when logical decision-making could have avoid all of the drama.  This adaptation of George Bizet’s opera is a must-see classic.  I can believe I can watch the whole movie online.

On a politics/public policy blog, dating and romance seem out of place.  But, my friends and I have determined that the root causes of many community concerns center on non-governmental matters.  Obviously, we know about moral decay, weak value systems and slack church participation—not cool.  But, today I want to rant about dating and marriage.

Many young women spend more time dreaming about being a bride on their big day (queen for a day) while not thinking about being a wife and then a mother in the long term.   Cohabitating with another adult can be difficult because people don’t want to compromise in the era of “I want it all and I want it now.”  Many guys have no idea what being a husband and then a father is because they have not been around health relationships.  The holiday season is a perfect time for the upright walking men in families to bond with the young men and plant that seed of positive living that doesn’t involve constantly dodging the authorities or having the government tell you to care for your children; not having children early is a good way to keep the “man” off your back. 

A kid says “I am going to have a baby” and my head drops. First of all, you are a baby yourself.  Next, you are going to have a person—an infant, a toddler, a teenager and eventually a young adult.  It’s a long involved, expensive and complicated process so my next question is “she got pregnant for/with what genius?”  Life is a series of phases and one can’t determine what type person someone will be during the late teens and early twenties phase—in my opinion. 

In the barber shop during my youth, the retire military guys would teach us that some of the nicest women in the world are right here in south Georgia but a fellow should consider seeing the world in the armed forces or the range of sisters on the college campus before making life-altering decisions.    

Old folks have always said that what you did to “court” or hook that person must continue “until death do you part” –none of that bait and switch stuff.  Carmen Jones says “bait your hook for fish you can fry.” Dating is just like a job search process and anyone can say anything during an interview but you need to check those references.  Dr. King said no lie lives forever so these people who want to “act” all nice and sweet will show their real colors in time.  Long courtships are essential.  Belafonte’s character in Carmen Jones would have been better off if he stuck with the sweet country girl.  

Regarding money, the pastors who require pre-marital counseling have it 100% right because a person could be styling and profiling during the courtship while running up astronomical credit card debt.  What’s in your wallet?  I will tell a sister in a minute that I have one child and her name is Sallie Mae so check that student loan also.   

My friends and I think that problems occur when people don’t seek the right information and ask the right questions.  The Destiny’s Child question comes up when I am playing tennis with the young brothers.  “If someone from Destiny’s Child step to you, what would you do—be faithful or put your sweetheart in the wind.”  When I was a young man, Anita Baker was the standard by which loveliness was measure.  Forget about video girls and supermodels; we are talking about the sweetest fruit from the African tree and Baker married a regular guy rather than some ball player or high profile dude. 

Beyonce is okay and Michelle’s faith is great but Kelley Rowland has Anita Baker type smoothness (she can’t sing like Anita.)  If you listen to the D.C. song “Cater To You” it outlines the many things a man and woman should do for each other to keep a relationship strong and if that stuff sounds like to much for you, stay single.  Relationships are hard work and some folks are lazy and inconsistent.  Like D.C. sings in this song “I know whatever I am not fulfilling, another woman is willing.”

Finally, stop talking about wanting what the Obamas have if you are no Michelle and he is no Barrack.  Newsflash: the Obamas mostly made the right moves in their personal, educational and professional histories then worked at that their relationship and family.  It was not easy but what worthwhile is.        


Destiny’s Child–Cater To You

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Yaya Decosta

Yaya DaCosta

I don’t know about this drama with the couple in Louisiana and the justice of the peace.  But, Yaya DaCosta from “America’s Next Top Model” played Vanessa Williams’ character’s daughter on Ugly Betty last night.  If someone tried to stop me from marrying Yaya if we were in the same age range or if someone tried to block me from marrying Jenny on the Jefferson (Berlinda Tolbert) back in the day, we would have had some real problems. 

What’s the deal with people saying, “I can’t believe this is still happening?”  Newsflash: many Americans are often clueless about people of other cultures or regions.  To be honest, I love the American president but I think he doesn’t know how ugly some places can.  I read second book and wow, sometimes he could not get a cab.  When I was a kid, we were not allow to checkout books from the public library and forget about using the restroom between southwest Georgia and Savannah.  Orange juice bottle.

Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and I are better authorities racism—the dirty south is not Kansas and it dam sure isn’t Hawaii.  President Obama positive vibe is encouraging but I will be dead for decades before attitudes truly change in this nation.  Actually, a new question is how long will certain segments of the Black community tolerate certain other segments.  I will leave that alone—you don’t talk family business in public.

At church, the pastor says it is better to marry than burn.  Well, I would have been burning hot behind the collar if someone kept me from Yaya or Berlinda.

Berlina Tolbert

Berlina Tolbert

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