Posts Tagged ‘dating’

The film Carmen Jones, featuring Dorothy Danridge, Harry Belafonte, Brock Peters, Pearl Bailey and lovely Diahann Carroll, is one of favorite movies.  Seeing a romantic tragedy is rough when logical decision-making could have avoid all of the drama.  This adaptation of George Bizet’s opera is a must-see classic.  I can believe I can watch the whole movie online.

On a politics/public policy blog, dating and romance seem out of place.  But, my friends and I have determined that the root causes of many community concerns center on non-governmental matters.  Obviously, we know about moral decay, weak value systems and slack church participation—not cool.  But, today I want to rant about dating and marriage.

Many young women spend more time dreaming about being a bride on their big day (queen for a day) while not thinking about being a wife and then a mother in the long term.   Cohabitating with another adult can be difficult because people don’t want to compromise in the era of “I want it all and I want it now.”  Many guys have no idea what being a husband and then a father is because they have not been around health relationships.  The holiday season is a perfect time for the upright walking men in families to bond with the young men and plant that seed of positive living that doesn’t involve constantly dodging the authorities or having the government tell you to care for your children; not having children early is a good way to keep the “man” off your back. 

A kid says “I am going to have a baby” and my head drops. First of all, you are a baby yourself.  Next, you are going to have a person—an infant, a toddler, a teenager and eventually a young adult.  It’s a long involved, expensive and complicated process so my next question is “she got pregnant for/with what genius?”  Life is a series of phases and one can’t determine what type person someone will be during the late teens and early twenties phase—in my opinion. 

In the barber shop during my youth, the retire military guys would teach us that some of the nicest women in the world are right here in south Georgia but a fellow should consider seeing the world in the armed forces or the range of sisters on the college campus before making life-altering decisions.    

Old folks have always said that what you did to “court” or hook that person must continue “until death do you part” –none of that bait and switch stuff.  Carmen Jones says “bait your hook for fish you can fry.” Dating is just like a job search process and anyone can say anything during an interview but you need to check those references.  Dr. King said no lie lives forever so these people who want to “act” all nice and sweet will show their real colors in time.  Long courtships are essential.  Belafonte’s character in Carmen Jones would have been better off if he stuck with the sweet country girl.  

Regarding money, the pastors who require pre-marital counseling have it 100% right because a person could be styling and profiling during the courtship while running up astronomical credit card debt.  What’s in your wallet?  I will tell a sister in a minute that I have one child and her name is Sallie Mae so check that student loan also.   

My friends and I think that problems occur when people don’t seek the right information and ask the right questions.  The Destiny’s Child question comes up when I am playing tennis with the young brothers.  “If someone from Destiny’s Child step to you, what would you do—be faithful or put your sweetheart in the wind.”  When I was a young man, Anita Baker was the standard by which loveliness was measure.  Forget about video girls and supermodels; we are talking about the sweetest fruit from the African tree and Baker married a regular guy rather than some ball player or high profile dude. 

Beyonce is okay and Michelle’s faith is great but Kelley Rowland has Anita Baker type smoothness (she can’t sing like Anita.)  If you listen to the D.C. song “Cater To You” it outlines the many things a man and woman should do for each other to keep a relationship strong and if that stuff sounds like to much for you, stay single.  Relationships are hard work and some folks are lazy and inconsistent.  Like D.C. sings in this song “I know whatever I am not fulfilling, another woman is willing.”

Finally, stop talking about wanting what the Obamas have if you are no Michelle and he is no Barrack.  Newsflash: the Obamas mostly made the right moves in their personal, educational and professional histories then worked at that their relationship and family.  It was not easy but what worthwhile is.        


Destiny’s Child–Cater To You


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