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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Spread the Stupidity

 Only in America …..do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 

Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke …

Only in America ……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..

Only in America …..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.. 

Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. 

EVER WONDER … Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? 

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?  

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word? 

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?   

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?   

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food? 

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! 

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? 

 Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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tamron-hall

That blank blank guy who tried to hit President Bush with his shoes struck a nerve with me for a reason that seems to be escaping everyone else: the second shoe hit the American flag. 

 

If I were the American president (use your imagination) and knew our flag was behind me, I would have caught the shoe or taken one for the team—that is the patriotic thing to do.  That brave act might impress Tamron Hall of MSNBC and formerly of Fox News to answer “my” call at 3 a.m.  “Yes Secret Service, if Ms. Hall phones…wake me…it’s an issue of vital national importance…this White House needs a first lady sooner rather than later.”

 

All kidding aside, I deplore this fellow disrespecting the office of the President.  Yes, Bush allow his advisors to push him into an ill-advised entanglement in the Iraq, but I always gave him a certain amount of respect—an amount that reasonable Americans who supported McCain should afford President-Elect Obama. 

 

For some reason, I would welcome Bush on a cross-country road trip because he seems like cool people.  Rolling with Barrack Obama would be rough because I could not sleep in the backseat with the radiance from his halo in my eyes.  You know what else is radiant: Tamron Hall.

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