On CBS’s Big Bang Theory last night, the comedic characters struggled with Jungian issues based in their childhoods. It occurred to me that Tiger Woods is basically Michael Jackson. Woods and Jackson both spent their childhoods and early adult lives driving for perfection. They both became wildly successful, enjoyed great wealth and tried to purchase what could not be bought—lost time.
Jackson wanted a childhood to replace what he thought he missed. I remember the Ebony Magazine pictures of their California mansion with a free candy store; my brother and I read those stories before we when out to cut the acre of grass at our house with a push mower. What did we want for Christmas? A freaking Snapper. Woods always got a “hood pass” from my friends because he grew up in California around nicer White people than we could imagine in South Georgia. We had a few nice White people down here and some seriously mean Black folks but my point is that Tiger didn’t need that “up from slavery” edge because he wasn’t.
Upon further review, that edge could be what is missing with Tiger. We don’t children to see things that little eyes shouldn’t see (eviction notices, domestic violence, empty kitchen cabinets) but those unfortunate experiences are character-building processes. My niece called me recently with a dilemma: she could not figure out what to get for Christmas—basically she has everything. Really? At first, I told her to donation to some hungry kids but later said that the Barnes & Nobles Nook digital reader would be like her own personal library. I can’t hate on Michael, Tiger or kids like my niece for having childhoods different than ours.
What Tiger missed was running the ladies in high school and college since his dad was there to keep him from slipping. That’s why the Tiger sidedishes all have that MTV Spring Break vibe jumping. Tiger, I went to MTV Spring Break in Daytona and you did not miss much. The rush that Tiger experiences when planning his indiscretions must be similar to finessing Bethpage Black—that’s a golf course in New York; not a waitress at Olive Garden.
The worst case scenario is that Tiger is finish making big money and will live off his current billion. I appreciate every second I have spent watching him play the most difficult major sport and to think he did all of that on courses where brothers were only welcomed as caddies during my lifetime. I say “blank” golf and do whatever is right for you and your family. If we weren’t rushing Tiger onto the PGA Tour for our selfish reasons, he could have stayed at Sanford and enjoy the college experiences we had. Of course, he could get an ear ring and return to the links with a new set of sponsors. He did not attend USC but I am thinking “Trojan Man.” Let’s see, where is the most famous USC Trojan these days. If he called Tiger to offer advice, it will be from his “cell” phone.
On Capitol Hill, we thought Tiger would be just right for Olympic Gold medallist gymnast and D.C. area native Dominique Dawes. You can best believe Dawes would have nipped that creeping in the bud; D.C./Maryland sisters don’t play that. And Michael Jackson should have continued dating Stephanie Mills.